While I believed in accountability, I know now that there is no way to work the 12-Steps without Anonymity.
I was naive; I didn't know hate, abuse, and disrespect could be honored.
I was deluded, and expected others to play fair, or else...
I was gullible; I underestimated the power of deception, and the hazards of being open and honest (please see: Historical Treatments).
If what I've been doing has been harmful, the fact that I've been following instructions, or taking advice does not excuse me from my fault. I need to know better.
Though I've been advised to be tolerant of alternative lifestyles, and respectful of religions of all kinds, I have to set as a goal the code of conduct I was taught to obey in order to live without shame.
While I've been advised to do so, being open and honest about things that most people keep private has been harmful to me and others.
I've persistently complained, and though others are sometimes offended by my efforts, it is now an example of what will result (please see: Log).
I react, rather than respond to many situations, sometimes without tolerance and compassion for others.
Because I thought I was a victim, I believed I had the right to inflict harm, or to cause damage.
Because I was afraid, I determined the capacity of others to do harm to protect myself (please see: Self Examination).
I was so shocked by the lewd behavior of people I grew up with, I shared my dismay with anyone who would listen - though it sometimes became dangerous.
Obstructed and disrupted in the fair trade of my business, I abandoned the health care system and others by using alternatives (please see: Network Harassment).
To be present and available by being of love and service to others.
To be charitable, compassionate and magnanimous.
To be respectful of my partner and her wishes.
To be honest and faithful to her, her family, and her friends.
To be trustworthy, and trusting, without unhealthy attachment.
To be responsible, and accountable, and to be loyal and true.
To be tender, loving, forgiving, gentle, kind, and understanding - and forsaking that, to take my leave and return when I am able.
To be respectful, and well mannered.
To be pure, and honorable.
To be selfless, tolerant, and helpful.
To protect and defend her and her rights.
What I Failed to Do:
Because I despaired, I failed to do what I needed to do. Because I failed to do what I needed to do, I could not make use of my talents.
Though it is clear that I've been forgiven in many ways, I have not been able to forgive everything.
I was not always willing to take the blame for others.
I have not always respected the privacy and/or confidence of others, though they kill to silence me (please see: Hate Crime Scene).
I have been unable to prevent much of the harm that continues to myself and others.
Failing to notice what bothers others, I may fail to address the most important problems in my life (please see: Transpositions).
Not doing my work well enough, I may fail those that govern, and those I seek to protect.
I have not always given back what has been freely given to me.
I cannot always put the wants and needs of others before my own.
I cannot always prioritize business due to the disruption and interference in my life.
I cannot always prioritize the care of my body, mind, or properties while meeting the demands of my business.
What I Should Have Done Instead:
Walk the talk, and make the most of every moment.
Be respectful of the boundaries of others and mind my own business, or else...
Consider what I might have done, rather than regret what was.
Make amends to those I've harmed, regardless of their behavior with me.
Replace negative thoughts with positive experiences of things I enjoy in life.
Respect the power of nature, the authority of those who govern, and teachers and healers.
Take good care of myself so I can pay my debts and give back to the people who survive me.
Do the right thing, rather than focusing on feeling good.
Be honest enough to learn from my mistakes, and open enough to be useful with what I've learned.