While I believed in accountability, I know now that there is no way to work the 12-Steps without Anonymity.
I was naive and vulnerable, and underestimated the power of deception, and the hazards of being open and honest (please see: Historical Treatments).
If what I've been doing has been harmful, the fact that I've been following instructions, or taking advice does not excuse me from my own behavior. I need to know the difference between right and wrong even if it requires my reliance upon God to do so well.
While I've been able to get down to the causes and conditions of my drinking, I've harmed members of my family by doing so.
Though I've been expected to 'work the program', and have been respectful of many kinds of religious people and their requests, I have to set as a goal the Ten Commandments as a code of conduct to live by because it was what I was taught to obey to be free of shame.
Though I've persistently complained, and others are sometimes offended by my efforts, the complaints now serve as an example of what will happen when we do (please see: Log).
I sometimes act out of anger without tolerance or compassion for others when offended by attitudes, or behavior I do not understand.
Because I thought I was a victim, I believed I had the right to inflict harm, or to cause damage to those that harmed me.
Because I was afraid of the sex conduct in my home, I evaluated the capacity of others to do harm to protect myself from further abuse (please see: Self Examination).
Shocked by the lewd behavior of the people I grew up with, I shared what I knew only to find out later they were involved in the same behavior.
Dismayed by the denial of counselors who I told, while drunk, I demonstrated what happened in order to recruit new witnesses.
Disrupted in my fair trade, I abandoned the health care system, the church, and a large part of the recovery community by using alternatives (please see: Sabotage).
To be present and available by being of love and service to others.
To be charitable, compassionate and magnanimous.
To be respectful of my partner and her wishes.
To be honest and faithful to her, her family, and her friends.
To be trustworthy, and trusting, without unhealthy attachment.
To be responsible, and accountable, and to be loyal and true.
To be tender, loving, forgiving, gentle, kind, and understanding - and forsaking that, to take my leave and return when I am able.
To be respectful, and well mannered.
To be pure, and honorable.
To be selfless, tolerant, and helpful.
To protect and defend her and her rights.
What I Failed to Do:
Because I despaired, I failed to do what I needed to do. Because I failed to do what I needed to do, I could not make use of my talents.
Though it is clear that I've been forgiven in many ways, I have not been able to forgive everything I've encountered.
I am not always willing to take the blame for others.
I have not always respected the privacy and/or confidence of others, even though they may have killed to silence me (please see: Hate Crime Scene).
I have been unable to prevent much of the harm that continues to myself and others.
Failing to notice what bothers others, I fail to address the most important problems in my life (please see: Transpositions).
Not doing my work well, I may fail those that govern, and those I seek to protect and defend.
I have not always given back what has been freely given to me.
I cannot always put the wants and needs of others before the necessities of life, or my work.
I cannot always prioritize my business because of the disruption and interference to my life.
I cannot always prioritize the care of my body, mind, or properties while meeting the demands of my business.
What I Should Have Done Instead:
Walk the talk, and make the most of every moment.
Be respectful of the boundaries of others and mind my own business.
Consider what might have been, rather than what already was.
Make amends to those I've harmed, regardless of their conduct with me.
Replace negative thoughts with positive experiences.
Respect the power of nature, the authority of those who govern, and the teachers and healers I've been lucky enough to know.
Take good care of myself so I can meet my obligations, and give back to the people who survive me.
Do right, and build my character, rather than focusing on feeling good.
Learn from my mistakes, and share the way out, not just the problem itself.