While I believe in accountability, I know now that there is no way to work the 12-Steps without Anonymity.
I was naive, vulnerable, and I underestimated the power of cruelty, and the hazards of being open and honest (please see: Historical Treatments).
If what I've done to recover has been harmful, following instructions, or taking advice does not excuse me from harmful behavior. I need to know the difference between right and wrong by cultivating my relationship with God.
While I've been able to write down the causes and conditions of my drinking, I may have harmed members of my family by doing so.
Though I'm expected to 'work the program', and be respectful of many kinds of spiritual practice, I have set as a goal the Ten Commandments as my code of conduct because it was what I was taught to be free of shame.
Though I sometimes complain, and others may be offended by my effort to do so, my log now serves as an example of what will happen when we do (please see: Log).
Sometimes I react, or act out of anger, or fear without tolerance or compassion for others when offended by behavior I do not understand.
Because I thought I was a victim, I believed I had a right to inflict harm, or to cause damage to those who harmed me.
Because I was disturbed by the sex conduct in my home, I evaluated the capacity of others, and myself to do harm (please see: Self Examination).
Shocked by lewd behavior, I shared what I knew with authorities I thought I could trust only to find that they covered up the same thing.
Dismayed by allegations of insanity when talking to counselors, while drunk, I demonstrated what happened in order to recruit new witnesses.
Disrupted and interfered with in my effort to conduct free trade, I abandoned the health care system, the church, and a large part of the recovery community to use alternatives (please see: Sabotage).
To be present and available by being of love and service to others.
To be charitable, compassionate and magnanimous.
To be respectful of my partner and her wishes.
To be honest and faithful to her, her family, and her friends.
To be trustworthy, and trusting, without unhealthy attachment.
To be responsible, and accountable, and to be loyal and true.
To be tender, loving, forgiving, gentle, kind, and understanding - and forsaking that, to take my leave and return when I am able.
To be respectful, and well mannered.
To be pure, and honorable.
To be selfless, tolerant, and helpful.
To protect and defend her and her rights.
What I Failed to Do:
Because I despaired, I failed to do what I needed to do. Because I failed to do what I needed to do, I could not make use of my talents.
Though it is clear that I've been forgiven in many ways, I have not been able to forgive everything.
I have not always admitted to my own mistakes or taken the blame for others.
Sometimes, admitting my own mistakes has been harmful to myself and others.
I do not always respect the privacy and/or confidence of others, though they've killed to silence us (please see: Hate Crime Scene).
I have been unable to prevent much of the harm that continues to myself and others.
Failing to notice what bothers us, I fail to address the most important problems in my life (please see: Transpositions).
Not doing my work well, I may fail those that govern, and those I seek to protect and defend.
I have not always given back what has been freely given to me.
I cannot always put the needs of others before mine, or my work.
I cannot always prioritize my business because disruption and interference to my life prevents me from the efficiencies of my business.
I cannot always prioritize the care of my body, mind, or properties while meeting the needs of my business.
While I write new policy to defend my people, I alone do not have the power to require compliance. Please see: Bodywork
What I Should Have Done Instead:
Walk the talk, and make the most of every moment.
Be respectful of the boundaries of others and mind my own business.
Consider what might have been, as well as the mistakes of the past.
Make amends to those I've been harmful to, regardless of their conduct with me.
Replace trauma and negative thoughts with healing and transformation.
Respect the power of nature, the authority of those who govern, and the teachers and healers I've been lucky to get to know.
Take good care of myself so I can fulfill my obligations, and give back to the people who survive me.
Do right to build character, rather than focusing on good feelings.
Learn from my mistakes to share the way out, not just descriptions of the problems themselves.