Options for Conflict Resolution

My Defects of Character

  • While I believed in accountability, I know now that there is no way to work the 12-Steps without Anonymity.
  • I was naive and vulnerable, and underestimated the power of deception, and the hazards of being open and honest (please see: Historical Treatments).
  • If what I've been doing has been harmful, the fact that I've been following instructions, or taking advice does not excuse me from my own behavior. I need to know the difference between right and wrong even if it requires my reliance upon God to do so well.
  • While I've been able to get down to the causes and conditions of my drinking, I've harmed members of my family by doing so.
  • Though I've been expected to 'work the program', and have been respectful of many kinds of religious people and their requests, I have to set as a goal the Ten Commandments as a code of conduct to live by because it was what I was taught to obey to be free of shame.
  • Though I've persistently complained, and others are sometimes offended by my efforts, the complaints now serve as an example of what will happen when we do (please see: Log).
  • I sometimes act out of anger without tolerance or compassion for others when offended by attitudes, or behavior I do not understand.
  • Because I thought I was a victim, I believed I had the right to inflict harm, or to cause damage to those that harmed me.
  • Because I was afraid of the sex conduct in my home, I evaluated the capacity of others to do harm to protect myself from further abuse (please see: Self Examination).
  • Shocked by the lewd behavior of the people I grew up with, I shared what I knew only to find out later they were involved in the same behavior.
  • Dismayed by the denial of counselors who I told, while drunk, I demonstrated what happened in order to recruit new witnesses.
  • Disrupted in my fair trade, I abandoned the health care system, the church, and a large part of the recovery community by using alternatives (please see: Sabotage).


  • To be present and available by being of love and service to others.
  • To be charitable, compassionate and magnanimous.
  • To be respectful of my partner and her wishes.
  • To be honest and faithful to her, her family, and her friends.
  • To be trustworthy, and trusting, without unhealthy attachment.
  • To be responsible, and accountable, and to be loyal and true.
  • To be tender, loving, forgiving, gentle, kind, and understanding - and forsaking that, to take my leave and return when I am able.
  • To be respectful, and well mannered.
  • To be pure, and honorable.
  • To be selfless, tolerant, and helpful.
  • To protect and defend her and her rights.

What I Failed to Do:

  • Because I despaired, I failed to do what I needed to do. Because I failed to do what I needed to do, I could not make use of my talents.
  • Though it is clear that I've been forgiven in many ways, I have not been able to forgive everything I've encountered.
  • I am not always willing to take the blame for others.
  • I have not always respected the privacy and/or confidence of others, even though they may have killed to silence me (please see: Hate Crime Scene).
  • I have been unable to prevent much of the harm that continues to myself and others.
  • Failing to notice what bothers others, I fail to address the most important problems in my life (please see: Transpositions).
  • Not doing my work well, I may fail those that govern, and those I seek to protect and defend.
  • I have not always given back what has been freely given to me.
  • I cannot always put the wants and needs of others before the necessities of life, or my work.
  • I cannot always prioritize my business because of the disruption and interference to my life.
  • I cannot always prioritize the care of my body, mind, or properties while meeting the demands of my business.

What I Should Have Done Instead:

  • Walk the talk, and make the most of every moment.
  • Be respectful of the boundaries of others and mind my own business.
  • Consider what might have been, rather than what already was.
  • Make amends to those I've harmed, regardless of their conduct with me.
  • Replace negative thoughts with positive experiences.
  • Respect the power of nature, the authority of those who govern, and the teachers and healers I've been lucky enough to know.
  • Take good care of myself so I can meet my obligations, and give back to the people who survive me.
  • Do right, and build my character, rather than focusing on feeling good.
  • Learn from my mistakes, and share the way out, not just the problem itself.

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