It's our duty to tell the truth, but we cannot motivate violence or argue for crime by doing so. If our language becomes dangerous, we don't have a right to use it without identifying ourselves and allowing for a safe defense. Its not unusual....just trying to have things our own way or trying to get what we want will bring us into conflict with others, but using anger to cause problems is illegal, and using the Internet for personal problems isn't safe. As the Internet becomes more important to our health care, and safety what we say online will be even more important than what we say to each other.

Young SaplingIf your life is in danger, notify the police and do whatever you can to survive. In addition to refraining from suicidal tendencies, we also need to make a decision to live! Its not enough to stop killing ourselves. Here are a few tips from my experience: Survival Ground

Keep yourself in check! Are you sure your grievance isn't a projection of something you don't like about yourself? Are you keeping things in perspective, or are you having your own trial? Take a look at yourself before you rationalize justice without a judge. Its not possible to bring a case, and judge it at the same time. Be patient, and let justice be brought if necessary. Typically, our mistake is to try to do the job of ruling on our own. Be sure you understand your grievance based upon an evaluation of yourself with the same problem before you start-in on someone else, and your likely to have much better luck with the process. Please see: Self Examination.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say! There's no guarantee that your case will ever be heard, be it by law enforcement or even someone you trust, so to be sure that you'll have a chance to, keep a log and return to it whenever you have doubts about what's happening. At the very least, write down what you're concerned about to double check your apprehension. What seems to be happening is as important as what you think is happening, so write it down to make sure it makes sense, and take a look at it a few days, or even a few weeks to make sure. Often our complaints are nothing more than an easy way to avoid our own mistakes.

Hate crimes are extremely difficult because they escalate, (get worse) over time. Even reporting the crime becomes life threatening. Some people have never known anything but hate in their lives and believe it to be completely normal, and many of us live with the lies that justify hatred because in back of them is a monster who will torture and/or kill to find out what really is true.

Keep a log, such as this one Sample Log to see what you can do about your incidents, but be careful not to hurt anyone in the process. Keep it anonymous, or private - to keep yourself safe, and other's from harm until you're sure of yourself. See if your complaints stand the test of time, or if what you encounter in life is brought on by your own thoughts, feelings or behavior. Here's another useful tool for evaluation: evaluation.pdf

Sometimes the self interest of earning a living money, business, or securing our children can result in tactics such as those common in divorce. For example, 'Disney Dad', disparaging 'Mom, the disciplinarian' - or Mom portraying Dad as a 'perpetrator' to ensure the custody of their child.

Because we can be so compromised by labels or denial ('Victim': "That's abuse!" 'Offender': "You deserved it!" 'Mediator': "Who started it?..." etc.), an elaborate and persistent lie can be extremely difficult to defend against.

When justifications for offensive behavior keep changing, or 'the story' keeps changing, we can no longer rely upon the information we're working with. We have to defend ourselves all the time, and sometimes....we don't even know what it is that we've done wrong, or how to address it! So we get banished, and no one will talk to us. The problem might even be caused by the other parties involved, but they don't want to admit it, so we can no longer get along.

We can lose our entire lives to deceit like the example above. We need to work for a return to open communication, or concede defeat and let the relationships go completely. Oppression takes many forms, and we can be silenced by many means. Please see: Challenges on the Streets

There's nothing wrong with not knowing what's going on. Mystery is a meaningful part of life, and worthy of investigation, but we also need to trust ourselves. So take your time, and do the work of discovery with self-discipline. What we know about our circumstances is often best understood as a sense of the way things seem to be, not just an emotion, but knowledge of the way things are in our situation, and a very good question to start with is: "Where are we now?" Such as: in history, or at this time: "Who am I, and where am I?"

I start on paper. I have a one page example with sample worksheets here: Fundamentals. Again, be sure to keep names out of public documents and forums for your own safety until you are sure of yourself. Even my own name could betray the people I refer to, so I normally don't use my name with reference to the parties involved in a public way either.

Often resolution of these conflicts has nothing to do with others. To implicate them would create a new problem. Its also helpful to refer to what happened without judgement - just the facts.

(Remember Joe Friday of Dragnet? That's what this is! We are the new Dragnet! We've got to be good - really good! Even if its in response to sloppy work, it's not justification for a repeat performance.)

Gather and keep names, titles and contact information safe (even if its an officer or social worker), evidence of crimes or sabotage, dates of encounters or conflicts carefully. Record and document evidence of promises made, phone calls and correspondence etc. Write it all down and keep it in a safe place. Keep photos, videos, and all your important papers somewhere safe!

Start your complaints at the lowest level of authority and separate your problems into crimes and complaints. Make a decision about what your minimum settlement would be. Get to know the people involved, and keep your log going until you're satisfied. Please see: Self Advocacy Training for more information.

Sketch out your disturbances, to get past the anger, and learn to speak about your concern without being offensive. Reach out - or reach across to others to share circumstances you don't fully understand and learn to speak of it freely. We can begin by describing the problem with someone we trust, and eventually get comfortable enough to help someone else in the same bind.

If your having difficulty with anger, return to Anger Management tools until you can think clearly. With feedback from someone who understands, we can gain a new perspective on what our experience teaches us, and eventually realize its not something we need to get burned up about, or hurt ourselves with.

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